Irony?  Irony is the former members of the Northwest Burger Tour suddenly and without warning, signing up to compete in a Triathalon!   Guys, you do know you have to swim a really long way right??

And the cycling, the bicycle is something else altogether, most of these bikes way less than a gallon of milk and if you have never sat on the seat of a “tri-bike” you are not missing anything whatsoever.  Its much more of a hard narrow piece of plastic or leather or it doesn’t really matter the key words here are hard and narrow.  Evidently the tri-bike people think that “one-size-fits-all” works for that part of the body.  After a few miles on one of these cones of death, you are begging to go horseback riding at a gallop or trot or gait or anything, and praying dear God get me off this evil torture bar!  The other day at the doctor he asked how I rated my pain …..Pain scale goes 1)kidney stones 2) child birth  3) racing bike seat 4) hot poker in the eye, etc……..  We should have used these seats for the Taliban…a few hours on these narrow pieces of hell and they would have gladly given up Bin Laden.  There is really no way of sitting comfortably on it, even whilst wearing your padded gel tights (yes you read that correctly), after a half hour on one of these puppies, your lower extremeties are begging for a pillow or a marshmallow or anything else….

and speaking of sugary foods, in order to compete in a triathlon I have to start eating better too….  I’ve been trying to eat oatmeal in the mornings, no not the good peaches and cream packets that I make for the kids, no, no contrair, I have the stuff the horses and goats get, and it comes packaged all pretty in a round cardboard tube-like container with an old man on it for some reason…whats up with that anyway, is oatmeal so cheap that they have to have an expensive package to mark it up?  They should just put it in a box, but nooooo, it has to be in a tube-like structure, so when you pour it in your measuring cup there is no way it doesn’t spill out around the edge of the cup…but I digress…. Have you ever cooked this stuff in the microwave?  It looks like its doing just fine, until the moment you turn your head and then bam! it starts bubbling over in a molten lava sort of way, and I’m not sure of what sort of chemical reaction the water, oats and heat start, but I’m pretty sure its’ permanently stuck to the round glass in the bottom of the microwave seconds after you frantically sling the door open and grab it, before thinking how it is hotter than the pavement at Casino Beach parking lot in July.  and then…. the joy of eating the oatmeal….  wow… I’ve heard.. “just add some honey”, or raisins, or craisins, or 40 sugar packets, or meatloaf or, for crying out loud its still oatmeal and by the time it cools off enough so you don’t burn your tongue, (there is no luke warm with this stuff), it turns cold and then it is like eating a piece of cardboard wrapped around some silly putty, it expands as you eat it and feels like a case of wet saw dust going down.  But I sure do feel better about myself after choking it down!!

I’m saving up my oatmeal tubes to make a new bike seat.

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